by Becky Shultz
I sat down to write a blog yesterday. Here’s how it went:
Lord, please give me the words you want me to share.
*cricket* *cricket* *cricket*
So writing a blog turned into 30 minutes of praying and thinking and crying. I thought about this past year and all the Lord had in store – the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the tidy, the messy, the encouraging, the intimidating, the normal, the shocking. I’ve said this a time or two: I was not ready for this year. I was not ready for what our family would face.
Somehow, when I wrote those words, when I read those words, I realized they ARE NOT TRUE.
The Lord had been preparing me my entire life for the year we would face. He’d been preparing my husband. He’d been preparing our children. He’d been preparing Hannah.
Every illness. Every doctor’s visit. Every hospital stay. Every sermon. Every birth. Every death. Every wedding. Every funeral. Every encouraging card during times of grief. Every Scripture passage read. Every worship song sung. Every verse memorized. Every family chat about who God is. Every conversation about our Lord’s faithfulness. Every prayer answered (I believe that all prayers are answered – with a yes, no, maybe, or wait). Every chapel. Every quiet time. Every hike in His mountains. Every walk along His beaches. Every hail storm. Every spectacular sunset. Every one of these things. Every one of these moments, the Lord has been revealing more and more about Himself. He has been spending 43 years (actually, since the beginning of time) pursuing me, loving me, leading me, delighting in me. He has done the same for my husband, my children, my sick daughter.
So, we were ready for this past year. We were ready for what our family would face.
He made us ready.
Hannah’s sickness was not all that the Lord had in store for us this year. And, while it has overshadowed many most things, I was determined that this blog would be about something other than Hannah’s sickness.
I was just starting to write about the most joyous day. A day in July – less than three weeks ago. The day our oldest “baby” got married. I was remembering, smiling, thinking about all the great pictures I could attach to this post, when my phone rang. It was Hannah. She was calling me from her bathroom. I knew something wasn’t right. Her voice was barely audible, “I need you to come up here.” I bounded up the stairs, and found her sitting (barely) on her bathroom floor, leaning over the toilet. She had a rough time the day before, just felt awful. We knew she wasn’t well, but everything she feels, every virus she catches, every headache she has all seems to be tainted by her disease. It’s difficult to know what’s related and what’s not. *sigh*
When I got to her, she asked me just to help her lie down right where she was, on her bathroom floor. She stayed there while I called Brian (my husband, her daddy). I was finally able to help her get back into bed, made a phone call to her neurologist and one to her primary care doc.
My blog-writing morning turned into getting Hannah to the doctor. Again.
Long story short, she has a concussion – something ER docs missed after Hannah and her friends were rear-ended last weekend. One week after the accident, she was feeling better, playing volleyball at a family picnic, and got hit in the back of the head with a ball. That was just three days ago. Her doc says back-to-back concussions. No wonder Hannah’s been feeling sick, dizzy, weak, and not wanting to do anything.
Hannah’s doctor ordered a CT Scan for Friday, just in case she’s not feeling better. She also discovered that Hannah’s neck is messed up from the accident. That means we head back to her naturopath/chiropractor. More appointments.
I have to remind myself…we were ready for this, too.
As we drove home, I told Hannah, “I don’t really know what to say anymore. I’m just sorry that you have a concussion and you feel so bad.”
Her response kind of kicked my hiney…
“I’m just glad it’s me with the concussion. It would be awful for the boys; they’re getting ready to start school and soccer. I’m not doing anything anyway. Just resting and healing. I may as well have a concussion.”
I know it has to be difficult for her, but I also know that she meant what she said.
And, in that moment, the Lord showed me that He had prepared Hannah for all that would happen this year.
I’ll write another day (next time, Lord willing) about Laura’s wedding. For now, our God is good, y’all.
I don’t know what you and your family have faced this past year. I don’t know what you or we will face in the coming year. But, I do know that you…that we…are ready for whatever comes.